Nakai
by BeefWellington
Summary: A story about Nakai and his true power.
1. Nakai's True Beginning

Nakai sat alone in his room. The windows were broken and he got herpes and crabs so he was really itchy. How he dreamed he could have Aoki's sweeet cheeks.

Suddenly, the fantasy left him as someone threw a bag of dog turd through his window and it landed on his nose. He flailed about wildly and cried tears of blood. His honor and dignity, destroyed.

He rolled over and found a noodle stuck to his back. He slurped it down with gusto and looked out the window.

"Aaaaah."

He left the house for the first time in over a month, his armpits stained with indescribable sweat and disgrace. His hair was matted and greasy, like a McDonald's burger. He had grown a beard but it looked like pubes. It was greasy too.

Suddenly, a car hit him, but a cat demon braced him for impact. The engine crumbled against him, and shaped itself against Nakai's body. The driver took the impact and the car exploded into pieces.

"I AM THE NEKO DEMON MUFFINS. I AM HERE TO SERVE YOU MASTER NAKAI MEOW~"

Nakai was stunned. All he could do was gasp. But the bizarre being continued:

"YOU ARE THE WRITER NAKAI? THEN I WILL SERVE YOU. SERVE 2 U!"

All of a sudden, the demon fused with him in a stunning pink flash. Now, Nakai was 6"4', with a 12 pack. His muscles were the size of small children, yet his hands were as delicate and soft as an angel. The hands of a true artist.

He was no longer Nakai.

He is Nakai.


	2. Nakai's Past

Nakai looked into the night. What would his father say now?

He remembered back to a simpler time.

…

Nakai, aged 12, arrived home from school, with a copy of his favourite magazine, Shonen Jump held tightly between his chubby fingers. He turned to his beloved Dragon Ball, for the third time, re-reading the panels and bubbles. He wanted to be Goku, a hero to the world.

But then his father walked in.

"SON."

Nakai turned his head towards the boom.

"IT'S TIME TO TEACH YOU THE LAWS."

The boy sighed. It was time for his training, but he didn't want to be taken away from his treasured hero.

But he knew what had to be done. He went outside to the farm.

"SON."

Nakai sighed again.

"YOU MUST LIFT THE PRIZE COW."

Looking in bemusement, Nakai didn't know what to do. Sensing his confusion, Nakai Sr explained:

"SON."

"I WILL SHOW YOU THE WAYS."

And so, Nakai Sr lifted the prize cow, Nakei, above his head. But he forgot how fat he was, and the cow crushed him, killing him.

With his last ounce of strength, Nakai Sr beckoned his son to him.

"SON."

"I AM DISAPPOINT."

…

His flashback was over. Nakai was no longer a boy, but a man. He knew what he had to do.

Aiming at the ground, he recited the ancient incantation:

"KAMEHAMEHA"

And so he launched himself toward Shonen Jump HQ. His adventure has just begun.


	3. Nakai of Now

Nakai arrived at the office. The editors all turned their head to receive the majesty of his presence.

He walked towards Hattori, and touched his face with his hands. Suddenly, Hattori was cured of his ugliness.

"THANK YOU NAKAI. HOW MAY I REPAY YOU?"

Nakai only replied:

"Go, and live."

And so Hattori left, and became a successful photographer for Playboy magazine, eventually marrying one of the models.

Nakai moved forward, towards the Head Editor's office, but Eiji's editor, Yujiro came up to him, and asked for his blessing. Nakai cured him of his heroin addiction.

"THANK YOU NAKAI. HOW MAY I REPAY YOU?"

Nakai once again, replied:

"Go, and live."

And so Yujiro left, and became a successful football player, scoring all 3 goals in the recent England vs Japan friendly.

Nakai got closer to the Head Editor's office, but Miura got in his way. Nakai cured him of his failure.

"YOU KNOW WHAT NAKAI YOU SHOULD ADD MORE GAGS TO THAT."

Nakai replied:

"THE WORLD."

Time had frozen. Miura was dead before he even realised it, his marshmallow like body imprinted with 1000 fists.

Time resumed.

Nakai walked forward, and opened the door to the head editor's office.

"I'm here."


	4. Nakai's Choice

Nakai stepped into the office.

"Nakai. My holiness has summoned me to Rome. I must leave immediately."

The editor rose from his seat, and tears welling from his eyes, he continued.

"You are the best. I would not trust this to anyone but you."

As the editor spoke his final, intense words, he snapped his fingers, and a secret compartment in the room opened. Inside were robes of the finest velvet, and a crown of the purest gold.

"Put them on, fresh emperor."

Nakai nodded, and dressed in his regal garments. He was truly a king now.

"Now, my successor. I must test you."

Nakai was ready. His father was watching from the heavens, smiling. He could hear his words now.

"SON."

"YOU ARE A NAKAI."

The editor gazed into Nakai's pure eyes, and gave his challenge.

"Cancel +Natural."

Nakai thought for a moment, before delivering his answer.

"No…"


	5. Nakai the King

Nakai looked deep into the editor's eyes as he declared his answer.

The tears started to roll.

"…Only you can lead Jump into a brave new age. I will go…and live."

And with these words, the editor activated a button on his watch, and transformed into the Popemobile, before ascending to the heavens in a divine ray of light.

Nakai took his chair, as head of Jump. A meeting had been called, and the elites of manga entered through the door. Nodding respectfully at Nakai, they stood behind their chairs, waiting for his command.

"Sit."

They took their seats, and the meeting begun. Holding up a large chunk of paper, the man sitting at the furthest end of the table begun:

"First today, we shall talk about +Natural-"

Upon hearing these words, Nakai fired his eye lasers through the name, blowing 2 clean holes through the paper, as if it were paper. It burst into flames, and scorched the hand of the unfortunate soul holding it.

"NO…"

The next editor quickly decided to press forward.

"Metroid the mang-"

The large mass of paper was incinerated in but a few seconds, along with the editor holding it.

And so, the third editor stood up.

"Nakai-dono…this a manga…about you."

Nakai raised an eyebrow.


	6. Nakai the Horse

Nakai used his telekinesis to bring the manga about himself to himself.

As he turned the pages, he was bought back to a simpler time. A better time.

He saw himself as a fat child again, but quickly realised he was reading himself draw in front of Aoki's window. Remembering to start from the right page, he began again.

As he turned through the finely drawn masterpiece, he realised how far he had come, and a solitary tear dropped from his eye.

He transformed from a fat boy, to a fat man.

A nearby editor saw his weep, and stood up. Smiling with respect for the new head of Jump, he began to applaud.

Other editors followed his shining example, and joined him. The room of 12 men was alive with the sound of congratulation, allowing the the day to go down in the pages of history as "Nakai Day".

After 9 hours, 32 minutes and 16 seconds of unadulterated applause, it died down, and the editors took their seats. The closest editor looked at Nakai, and nodded.

Nakai cleared his chest with a hearty wheeze, and began:

"SERIALISE TH-"

"NAKAI-DONO THERE IS SOMEONE AT THE DOOR! HE SAYS HIS NAME IS AXEL LARRSON."

Nakai exploded.


	7. Nakai the Horseman

Nakai arrived back from hell, clutching the head of Satan as he re-entered the editor's hall through a portal.

"The king has returned.." uttered one of the twelve in awe.

But Nakai had no time for idle praise. He had no time to use the stairs so he punched through the floor and decended to the lobby in less than a second.

Except Nakai punched through the floor so hard that he fell back into hell.

Nakai arrived back from hell again, using the moustache of Hitler for a toothbrush, as he revisited the editor's room once more.

"The king has returned!" announced another of the esteemed twelve.

This time, Nakai dived through a nearby window, encrusted with diamonds. Travelling at a speed of over 400mph, he broke through it with a smile on his face. But that smile was soon wiped out when he realised that he had also broken through to hell once more.

Nakai arrived back from hell, erupting from the crimson portal riding a horse of the Apocalypse across the table, taking special care to crush every name that wasn't about him.

"…the king…HAS RETURNED!"

The table erupted into a wave of applause, just as Nakai disintegrated the door in front of him using his fire breath.

Nakai was not going to be fooled by mere traps any more. He took the stairs and bumrushed his way down to the lobby.

He arrived to see Axel sitting down, stuffing his face with Cheezits.

"I'm here, Axel. Not even I will accept you now, you fat bastard!"

"no u."


	8. Nakai the Mountain

Nakai took his fighting stance as Axel stood up.

"Nakai. It has been a long time. However, we must decide who is the better mangaka." spluttered Axel, taking a large chunk of paper from his anus. He then divided it into two, and threw one half to Nakai.

"We will draw one shots to gauge the public interest. The winner, and subsequent head of Jump, will be the one who creates the better manga." continued Axel. "Now enough talk...HAVE AT YOU!"

The two men sat in the lobby of Jump, creating not just manga, but masterpieces. Nakai effortlessly gave birth to beautiful landscapes and characters within seconds, while Axel drew naked men so realistic, they looked like high definition photographs. As time went on, Axel fell behind, while Nakai continued to draw magnificent works of art.

However, Axel's true strength lay not in his art, but in his insults.

"Nakai, they have a word for you in Swedish."

"Hmm?" grunted Nakai, busy colouring his one shot with a rainbow.

"Bredberg."

Nakai flinched.


	9. Nakai the Fallen

Nakai was stunned by the insult. "Bred…burg.." he slurred as he fell to the ground, foaming at the mouth uncontrollably. Axel stood over the once omnipotent man, waving his pages of his half naked men in triumph.

However, it was his omnipotence that made him susceptible to such a crude insult. Upon gaining his powers, he had become multilingual, and knew even the most obsure languages. From Luminoth Green to Swedish, he could understand anything. "Bredburg" was Swedish for "large mountain", a word that caused memories of the old days to flow back into Nakai's head, including his father's death.

Axel smirked as he continued to wave his creations over the disabled Nakai. He began to laugh, and even did a victory jig.

"Jump is mine!" he announced as crowds began to move closer to see Nakai on the ground. "JUMP IS MINE! "

But as suddenly as the dark clouds of his nightmare formed, a shining light shone through them.

"NAKAI."


	10. Nakai's Revival

Nakai awoke in a white space. There was nothing around but a blazing white light. He was laying down, covered in a pink robe.

"…what…?"

"NAKAI…IT'S ME."

"…no…you died…"

"WHEN DID DEATH STOP A NAKAI?"

Nakai stood up, and was face to face with the man of all men. Nakai Sr.

"Father…"

"MAH BOY."

They embraced in a hug of men. After releasing their grip, they had each grown a sizable beard each.

"You left me and mom alone to fend for ourselves…I cannot forgive you."

"MY SON WAIT"

"DO YOU REMEMBER YOUR 15TH CHRISTMAS?"

"I got a set of 1 tonne dumbbells that I never used."

"WHO SENT THEM?"

At this moment, Nakai looked at his father. He was exactly the same as he remembered. 6'5", with a 16 pack. Yet with his beard…

"Was it you that sent it.."

"YES MY SO-"

"SANTA!"

Nakai Sr looked confused, stroked his beard, and knew the answer.

"YES MY SON. I AM ALSO SANTA. THAT IS WHY I HAD TO DIE SO LONG AGO."

Tears started welling in Nakai's eyes.

"I understand…my father."

"MY SON. YOU MUST GO NOW. FIGHT THE NEMESIS OF THE NAKAI FAMILY AND RESTORE HONOR TO THE NAKAI NAME."

Nakai nodded.

"I WILL EMBUE YOU WITH MY POWERS. NOW GO…"

"...and live." finished Nakai.

A rainbow glow enveloped Nakai. He had also grown to 6'5.

"Thank you, pop."

But there was no response.

Before he had time to mourn, objects and colours began to come back into focus. The laugh of Axel echoed in his ears once again.

"It's not over yet, AXEL!"

Nakai was back.


	11. Nakai's 11

The arrogance turned to fear as Axel turned to face Nakai. What had begun as a roaring laugh had now turned to the greatest of dread, and the winner was decided.

Nakai took his work and using his newfound powers, finished his manga in under a second. He then took his competitor's work, and locked it in a safe with 20 locks.

"It's too late, my dear" quipped Nakai as he ate the keys.

In the shadow of this revived Nakai, Axel was left speechless. He did what anyone else in his situation would have done, and ran through the doors of Jump.

A mammoth crowd had built up since the contest had begun, and now each spectator could see the victory of Nakai-dono. As the rapturous applause erupted, the man it was meant for looked out a window, to the stars.

His mind was also in the stars, as he remembered his father's last words, and his new, augmented strength. The legacy of 'Nakai' was now his to bear, and he would have to answer the call of duty whenever it arose.

Just as these thoughts raced through his mind, one of the esteemed twelve reached up to pat him on the back.

"You did well. The last editor's trust was well placed."

"…thanks."

"I came to tell you about a contest running in Jump. There are many skilled artists participating, would you like to submit your entry?"

"Let me think about it."

The man nodded, gave Nakai another pat on his muscular back, and walked back into the crowd.

Nakai looked to the stars again. What a beautiful sky it was. What a beautiful Duwang.


	12. Nakai the Humble

Months had passed since Nakai had fought "The Battle of Jump". He continued as the editor-in-chief, making quick, precise and correct decisions on all pieces of work passed to him, and using his midas touch to improve the manga industry for all involved before graciously stepping down to let the former head editor, Sasaki take his place.

"Why would you give up such an illustrious position for me?" Sasaki asked, returning in dazzling robes of white and gold.

"Nakai, you are the king. You can lead Jump into a golden age, not I." the editor continued. But Nakai raised a hand, and stood up from behind his gold plated desk.

"I am no editor, Sasaki. I came into the industry as an assistant, and have grown to become a super assistant, above all others. But I am no editor, let alone the king of editors."

As Nakai spoke these sacred words, he relinquished his magnificent crown and his velvet robe, and placed them carefully on the table.

"I must be true to not only myself, but to the workers, and the readers."

Sasaki shed a single tear.

"Very well," he spoke as he held back the rest of his tears "I will take your place."

Nakai walked to the door, but before exiting, he spoke once more.

"Now it is my turn to go…and live."

As he walked through the door and into the editor's room, rapturous applause broke out, with cheers erupting from each person bearing witness. It put a smile on Nakai's face, knowing he had done good for his people.

Leaving the doors of Jump for what he thought was the last time, he looked to the sky once more, as he always did in times of trouble. Rain was pouring around the city, but a single beam of sunlight shone on Nakai as he left to fly to his mother's house.

Just as he was about to take off, he got a text on his mobile phone.

"i hear u r the king of all assistants, the super assistant. join me frsh emp 4 the gd of jump"


	13. Nakai United

Nakai dialled the number using his mind, using advanced telepathy to save credit. Soon, he began to converse with the stranger who knew of his talent.

"This is Nakai."

"My elite fifty speak of your name with the highest praise." spoke a chirpy, young male voice; "I need the help of a true artisan to propel Jump into not just a golden age, but an age of diamond encrusted gold."

"…I hope you aren't in charge of the writing, boy" quipped Nakai

"No, and I don't need to be! I use the elite fifty, hand picked by my own hands of justice to construct worlds that have never been thought of before. However, I need a man who can draw any thing and any place at any angle. A man who can draw without reference. Peerless, unstoppable, absolute. You are that man, Nakai!" said the teenager to the adult, practically yelling down the phone as he built up to the end of his speech.

Nakai gave the offer some thought, and responded:

"I will speak to you in person. Expect me soon."

"Wait, you don't even know where to go-"

Nakai teleported from outside Jump to inside his follower's apartment. Taking two brisk strides forward, he entered a small room with a computer monitor glowing. The teenage had heard the door open, and turned in his spinny chair to face the king.

"My name is Toru Nanamine." said the boy, smiling. Standing up from the computer, he continued:

"And these are my elite fifty." gesturing to his screen.

"We have been discussing you. Feel free to spool through the comments." he added, with a smirk

"Hmph" grunted Nakai as he took a seat, and began reading the words on the glowing screen in front of him.

"_marsnmonkey: is nakai here? are u nakai?"_

He began to type:

"_Nakai: Yes I am. TCH TCH TCH."_

The commentators became wild as the word of Nakai was spread. Soon a torrent of messages began to flash on the screen.

"_Trip3x: wow that made me chuckled"_

"_EmaleiEnglish64: your joke has done the challenging job of making me both laugh and think, 'nakai you are the king' at the same time"_

"_sdgjsdgj: this joke is great"_

"_Kanade Kiyahara: hope ya gonna make anoter jok soon,."_

"_Ikirose: I AM CRYING WITH AWESOME. NAKAI. YOU ARE GOD."_

"_Bananafrak: If I was Jesus, I'd crane kick you in the balls, because you sir, are so awesome that if had any offspring, the earth wouldn't be able to contain your awesomeness and would both implode and explode at the same time and creating a gigantic tear in the fabric of time and space itself, causing the universe to turn back on itself. People would start dividing by zero and President Obama would start shooting rainbow coloured llamas out of his ears. In other words, the universe would be fucked, just 'cos you sir, are the KING OF EPIC WIN."_

Nakai saw what the people thought of him, and he smiled. Turning to face Nanamine, he said: "I will help you become the best. My hands are at your disposal."

Nanamine's smile grew even broader as he told Nakai about the perks of his job, "You get free pizza, free accommodation, and you get to work with women assistants!"

"I do not need such luxuries." replied Nakai. "I need only my tools."

Nanamine nodded. "Yes, I understand. Are you prepared to start tomorrow?"

"I have already finished."


	14. Nakai's Holiday

Nakai summoned his work unto him, and passed it to Nanamine.

"This…this is amazing!" Nanamine shrieked, "The colours, the lines, the detail!"

Nakai grunted.

"You must see my work, sparkling sovereign," continued the boy, rushing into the next room to find his own work. "Ah yes, here we are."

Nanamine passed a neatly arranged chunk of paper to Nakai, and continued;

"It took me 2 months to draw this. I quit full time education and cut myself off from my parents to draw it, what do you think…?"

Looking up, he saw Nakai wiping his toned buttocks with the name.

"NAKAI WHAT ARE YOU DOING"

"This is a crude, dreary manga. No character development, repeated storylines and boring characters. And why would you name a manga after a cleaning detergent?"

"…I…I," Nanamine spluttered.

"**I** will take my leave. Await my return." Nakai retorted, before launching himself through the roof and into Cairo.

Nakai needed a break, and walking through the dark streets, underneath the stars relaxed him. He took in a deep breath, and smiled.

But that smile did not last for long.

"RUN AWAY"

Screams could be heard from a couple of streets away. Nakai knew what he had to do.

"MONSTER"

Walking briskly towards the noise, he saw an old man, aged about 65, in a pool of blood, stabbed in the throat by a steel knife. Civilians were running, but two men were unmoving, staring each other down.

"What's wrong Jotaro?" a figure in yellow clothes taunted, "Your power is weak!"

Suddenly, Nakai could feel great power from the banana man as he spread his arms and howled "THE WORLD"

Time had stopped, but Nakai could see everything. A humanoid figure materialised and punched the teenager in the stomach, sending him flying into a building and knocking him out.

"…The World…? I have this power…who is this man?" thought Nakai.

The banana man laughed maniacally, and slowly walked towards where the unconscious body of Jotaro lay. Nakai could feel his killing intent, his furious aura.

Nakai could not let this teenager die.

"HEY BANANA." Nakai roared, "Why don't you fight a REAL MAN?"

The banana man turned to face Nakai, smirking.

Nakai was ready.


	15. Nakai's Bizarre Adventure

"Hmph," the man in yellow snorted "You may look like a notorious bigman, but you are still only human. And no HUMAN will ever surpass I, Lord Dio."

"If not human, what are you? A banana who found the gym from the look of you." Nakai effortlessly quipped back.

"I am perfection, beyond the mortal coil of men, and with the blood of the Joestars, I will become the ruler of the planet. I, DIO, WILL TAKE MY RIGHTFUL PLACE AT THE TOP, AND YOU, YOU WILL NOT STOP ME" the man roared at Nakai.

But Nakai was undaunted by this show of rage. This would be a gold experience for him, to fight someone at his level of power.

"Dio," he said, flexing his incredible muscles "This is a one-way trip on the highway to hell for you, I will not be sent on the stairway to heaven just yet."

The enraged vampire was tired of this man and his wit, and called upon The World to maim him where he stood.

"When I'm finished with you, human, you will be another of the grateful dead who beg for a quick release."

But Dio's attack did nothing. The World could not harm Nakai, even with a barrage of punches.

"WHAT"

Nakai smirked.

"Mister President, you cannot scratch the surface of a truly perfect body. If you clash with me, your soft machine and your baby face will both be left mangled and bloody. If you do not run, you will be no more than a talking head when I am through with you."

"Then I will WRING YOUR NECK MYSELF" Dio howled in rage, charging at Nakai.

Thrusting his hand towards Nakai's head like a blade, Dio felt victory was assured. But his attack was deflected with only a blink.

"Is that all? Your little feats will accomplish nothing against me," Smirking once more, Nakai finished "You fight like a Spice Girl."

Now it was Nakai's turn to attack.

Punching Dio in the face, he launched him skyward, and soon followed with a powerful launch from his mighty legs.

"ACHTUNG BABY" he yelled as his strong arms tore Dio apart mid-air. He caught the pieces of the mangled vampire and threw them towards the ground.  
Turning his back to the body parts, Nakai began to walk away, thinking about where to go next. This holiday hadn't been relaxing, or challenging.

"Ha..hahahaha…HAHAHAHA"

Nakai quickly turned to see Dio's arms sucking the blood from the old man who had been killed before he arrived.

"You….don't know…who..this is, do you, human?"

Nakai watched with suspicion as Dio began to reform.

"He is…a Joestar…his blood makes me more powerful!" Dio exclaimed, his muscles tearing his yellow jacket and leaving only a black tanktop.

"Tell me your name, human." Dio ordered "You are indeed worthy of joining my ranks."

"My name is Takuro Nakai," came the response "And I will not join a monster like you in world destruction. I only came here for a good steak."

"You're making a mistake, the earth, the wind and the fire will be at my control when I have absorbed the last of the Joestar blood." Dio retorted

"Your sticky fingers will not steal any more from the world, Dio." Nakai snapped. "They will be survivors of your twisted crusade."

Dio had enough of this.

Rushing to Nakai, he stopped time, and threw him over to a nearby bridge. Unharmed, Nakai stood up and freed the stones from his belly button. As they rolled to the ground, Dio was nowhere to be seen.

Until he looked up.

"HAVE SOME OF THIS TRUCK, NAKAI"

Time had resumed.

Nakai's only option was to pummel the oil tanker above him, before it did any damage to the surroundings.

"NANANANANANANANANANANANAKAI" he roared, in tandem with Dio's battle cry.

The tanker had exploded, and Dio had jumped off it.

"No human could survive that" he thought to himself, "Finally, the last Joestar, Jotaro Kujo, is mine...Hahahahaha…HAHAHAHAHAHA" Dio bellowed

"HAHAHAHAHAHA-HA-HA—HA-HA-HA?"

Time had started to slow

"WHAT…IS…HAPPENING…TO…!"

Nakai stepped forward.

"You are not the only one who can stop time, Dio" Nakai said, calmly, without any signs of exerting himself "Heaven's Door will not open for you. Instead you will be sent to the underworld."

Nakai punched Dio with such force that Dio's left arm was launched off his body into a building, even with time stopped around him.

"How does it feel, to be beaten?"

With another punch, his leg was broken in two.

"I will let you live the last few seconds of your life in normal time." Nakai snarled, cold as ice "This is for ruining my holiday, jackass."

Dio's body flew backwards, blood splattering over the bridge.

"DIO…DIO…CANNOT DIEEE" he howled, as Nakai walked over for the finishing blow.

"Dio can die." quipped Nakai as he obliterated Dio with his punches, leaving nothing but his blood behind.

"With all that blood, maybe you should've called yourself King Crimson."

But before Nakai could laugh at his own joke, he could feel a disturbance, as if he was being summoned to a different world.

Nakai scratched his buttocks in irritation. 


End file.
